From A to B to Death.


Today I received a letter from the bank. A most pleasant letter to receive first thing in the morning, telling me that I have failed to repay part of an agreed re-payment plan, and consequently I owed the bank £208.93. And it was to be paid immediately. How, in my position, is one supposed to have such money? Does the bank not realise what £208.93 could buy? I have been through many states of frugality, down to my last 50p and trying to split it so very carefully so I might actually be able to have enough food for a few days before I found out where the next lot of money was coming from, but owing this, plus my student loan, plus whatever interest is currently being added to that, is just ridiculous. How is one supposed to start out in life way over £20,000 in debt? How are you supposed to save up enough for a mortgage? For a car? Just to be able to pay rent?

And the worst part is that those who invented this so-called system of living (is this really living? I am finding it more working just to be able to pay the bills) are those who had it so damn easy when they were our age. They did not have student loans. They had grants. Mortgage deposits were tiny. They could walk into any job they wanted. But apparently it as only them who were allowed such “luxuries”. Now we have to struggle to find even a high-street job. People are not qualified to be a cleaner. How much to do have to learn before you can clean?! Is this not the world being sent into insanity? And what if it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse, to the point where people cannot even afford to eat? We would literally be the most stupid race on the planet. Humans are so frequently victims of their own nature, and I do not think I am prepared to put up with such stupidity. But what can you do? Nothing. What is the point in free speech if the only ones who have any power never listen?

On top of that, everyone I know seems to be getting “married or getting pregnant or getting promoted” – or all three of them – and I am serving people over-priced luxury items that no one really needs and I will never, ever be able to afford! What is so wrong with me? Why am I not earning £40,000 a year, or doing work experience in Greece, or having my own radio show? Why am I still wondering where my next meal is coming from? What do they have that I do not? Why am I so un-employable and un-successful? It is hard enough seeing a car zoom by in the street and wonder how you get from what I have to what they have. Or even seeing somewhere wear UGG BOOTS (yes really) – despite the fact I do not wish for them, how can one my age afford them? But to hear about people I took A-Levels with doing all this incredible stuff, and I am in retail? It makes one feel a little despondent. And the more despondent one feels, the less one bothers to try. But I refuse to struggle my entire life to pay the rent – I want to have a mortgage. And a car. And I would like to be able to see something I like and actually be able to buy it – not pass it by because if I did buy it, I would have to forfeit something fundamental for that month. Like the food bill. It is all just bills! This is not life. This is surely not living! Why must the young struggle so much to just live?

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